Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
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I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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