plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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