its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize