I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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