Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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