Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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