God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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