Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize