Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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