Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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