Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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