dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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