i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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