3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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