I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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