I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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