he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
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She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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