this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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