Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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