Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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