i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize