You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize