Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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