im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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