I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize