we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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