Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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