I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize