i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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