He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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