So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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