Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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