She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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