the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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