i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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