i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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