i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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