she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize