Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
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