He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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