Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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