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After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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