It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what day is it and did you see me today?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
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