Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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