the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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