bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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