Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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