you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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