So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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