You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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